Gary and I are friends with a very nice couple from our church...We never have done much outside of church activities (choir, women's groups, family camp) but we consider them church family nonetheless and they are great people. He is always kind to the kids and seeks us out, she makes beautiful bead jewelry and has a knack for decorating...Well, yesterday they were dealt a terrible blow. Their 18 year old son was involved in a horrific car accident that left him and his 17 year old passenger dead instantly.
There are not even words adequate enough to express our grief for them at this time. There is nothing that makes me feel quite as inadequate as mortality...My instinct is to soothe and calm, to fix it, to make things right - yet situations like this make that impossible.
Wright Family, our adamant and constant prayers are with you at this time...
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Sunday, August 10, 2008
A ha moment!
Mayhaps the reason I haven't had any comments is because I hadn't enabled any comments to be left?? Hmmmm, interesting! I think I got that figured out and now I'm hoping to hear from folks - sorry for the confusion :)
Now...can anybody help me with my picture posting issues? I still can't seem to get my pictures to upload!
Now...can anybody help me with my picture posting issues? I still can't seem to get my pictures to upload!
Smoke and mirrors...
I knew it was too good to be true. The whole "you can have it all" mentality of our culture. There has always been a part of me that knew I was not meant to be a wife, mother, committee chairperson, business person, community leader and great artist...I'm just glad that I've finally admitted it and given in. I don't have to be all those things. All I have to be is the Sara that God intends me to be and keep my eyes on my own paper.
Isn't that the hardest part sometimes? Not comparing ourselves to our neighbors, coworkers, the people on TV who are supposed to represent the "common man"? I think I'm doing well until I look to see what culture says I should be doing...If I stop there I get caught in the myth that if I just work hard enough and long enough I can do everything and still have time to take a bubble bath - HA! Lies, I tell you...If I look beyond the shiny veneer of success so many women are wearing I can see their tattered marriages, their neglected relationships and the ferocity with which they hold together all the things that really matter (children, parents, friendships, husbands) while they relentlessly pursue an illusion of success. It's exhausting and I can't do it any more! Thankfully, I don't have to...God gave me permission to stop playing that game - Amen!
I'm reading a great book called "Passionate Housewives Desperate for God" by Jennie Chancey and Stacy McDonald. Here are some of my favorite snippets:
We need to let go of the strange notion that the only way to be a good Christian is to project an image of sinless perfection and hide our struggles and shortcomings. And so we come to the incredible paradox of the Gospel that we'll touch on many times in this book : "My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me" (2 Cor 12:9).
================================================================
Instead of worrying what others think about us, we need to care about what God thinks of us, measuring ourselves by the unchanging standard of God's word rather than comparing ourselves to others. Instead of looking to modern-day "experts" for answers, we need to return to the "old paths" of Scripture, where there is "rest for our souls" (Jer 6:16). Instead of seeking to make a name for ourselves or be "important", we need to thankfully embrace the fact that God works through humble people, small steps, and what the world considers insignificant and often thankless work.
==================================================================
Isn't that the hardest part sometimes? Not comparing ourselves to our neighbors, coworkers, the people on TV who are supposed to represent the "common man"? I think I'm doing well until I look to see what culture says I should be doing...If I stop there I get caught in the myth that if I just work hard enough and long enough I can do everything and still have time to take a bubble bath - HA! Lies, I tell you...If I look beyond the shiny veneer of success so many women are wearing I can see their tattered marriages, their neglected relationships and the ferocity with which they hold together all the things that really matter (children, parents, friendships, husbands) while they relentlessly pursue an illusion of success. It's exhausting and I can't do it any more! Thankfully, I don't have to...God gave me permission to stop playing that game - Amen!
I'm reading a great book called "Passionate Housewives Desperate for God" by Jennie Chancey and Stacy McDonald. Here are some of my favorite snippets:
We need to let go of the strange notion that the only way to be a good Christian is to project an image of sinless perfection and hide our struggles and shortcomings. And so we come to the incredible paradox of the Gospel that we'll touch on many times in this book : "My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me" (2 Cor 12:9).
================================================================
Instead of worrying what others think about us, we need to care about what God thinks of us, measuring ourselves by the unchanging standard of God's word rather than comparing ourselves to others. Instead of looking to modern-day "experts" for answers, we need to return to the "old paths" of Scripture, where there is "rest for our souls" (Jer 6:16). Instead of seeking to make a name for ourselves or be "important", we need to thankfully embrace the fact that God works through humble people, small steps, and what the world considers insignificant and often thankless work.
==================================================================
Monday, July 28, 2008
Woo Hoo! I'm on a roll ~
Alright, so I'm a little behind on my posting and that's okay because at least it's only been one week and not 2 years! Baby steps...
What have I been up to you ask?
What have I been up to you ask?
- I spent last Friday night and Saturday day in beautiful downtown Modesto at the convention center. I was there for the Valley Home Educators convention and it was terrific. I learned so much from the speakers and was very pleased to have had the opportunity to here from my new hero. She even signed my copy of her book and took a few minutes to chat with me about home education and her schedule. It might be worth looking into booking her for an HSLG event if possible...maybe I'll mention it to my friend Liz.
- Today, the kids and I had a park playdate with some friends...then we went swimming and came home to make dinner...Tonight one of my favorite shows is on! It's my secret shame and yet I can't seem to tear myself away from it...If I were 20 years (okay, maybe even TEN years) younger I would SO be auditioning....My other favorite show is this.
- I'm debating whether to make something out of a Paula D. cookbook for dessert...it normally wouldn't be much of a debate, however, I'm not sure I want to invest that much butter at this time :)
- I officially debuted the Stafford children "chore chart" and it was received with great enthusiasm! I'm not sure how much longer they'll be fighting over who gets to clean the litter box so I've got to strike while the iron's hot! [Note to self: Never mention litter boxes and hot irons in the same sentence, it's just yucky!]
Monday, July 21, 2008
Arg! What's WITH technology anyway??
Alright, so I don't know what I'm doing wrong but I can't seem to upload any pictures to this blog. It's strange because it says it's doing it...but it's not really. What it's really doing is taking a long time and frustrating me to no end!
Maybe I just need to cut and paste? Maybe my pictures aren't the right kind of files? Maybe my computer is pokey and my skills are weak in this area? I don't know for sure but as soon as I find out there will be pictures on this blog...Oh yes, there will be...
Off to swimming lessons ~
Maybe I just need to cut and paste? Maybe my pictures aren't the right kind of files? Maybe my computer is pokey and my skills are weak in this area? I don't know for sure but as soon as I find out there will be pictures on this blog...Oh yes, there will be...
Off to swimming lessons ~
Friday, July 18, 2008
Family Camp: Lake Mendocino 2008
This was our fourth year attending Castro Valley First Baptist Church's annual family camp and we had a blast! Every year our camp gets a little more livable and pleasant...or it would be if not for the blistering 112 degree heat....and haze from surrounding fires...and ginormous beetles the size of my entire thumb, but I digress.
The first year it was just the little ones and I paving the way for future family fun. We had a little tent, a box of granola bars, a gallon of milk and sunblock. Let's just say I wasn't the most prepared camper and never claimed to have been a Girl Scout in any way, shape or form. I must admit, however, that I was regretting that fact that first year. We managed by having meals with a kind and generous family (Thank you Henrys!) and learned a LOT.
Now we actually have our camping things in totes that we can store when not in use - we have two air mattresses - our tent was huge and easy to put up - our food was pretty good if I do say so myself and we all managed to get by the week without any bug bites or fights!
Lake Mendocino is just north of Ukiah on 101 and it's beautiful. I like these camp grounds because there are clean, well-stocked bathrooms and a relatively new play area for the little ones...it's outdoorsy enough for this city girl to feel like she's "getting away from it all" meaning there is no TV, you can pretend there's no cell phone reception and you actually have to TALK to each other (or read quietly to yourself which is also lovely).
Can't wait for next year's adventures ~
The first year it was just the little ones and I paving the way for future family fun. We had a little tent, a box of granola bars, a gallon of milk and sunblock. Let's just say I wasn't the most prepared camper and never claimed to have been a Girl Scout in any way, shape or form. I must admit, however, that I was regretting that fact that first year. We managed by having meals with a kind and generous family (Thank you Henrys!) and learned a LOT.
Now we actually have our camping things in totes that we can store when not in use - we have two air mattresses - our tent was huge and easy to put up - our food was pretty good if I do say so myself and we all managed to get by the week without any bug bites or fights!
Lake Mendocino is just north of Ukiah on 101 and it's beautiful. I like these camp grounds because there are clean, well-stocked bathrooms and a relatively new play area for the little ones...it's outdoorsy enough for this city girl to feel like she's "getting away from it all" meaning there is no TV, you can pretend there's no cell phone reception and you actually have to TALK to each other (or read quietly to yourself which is also lovely).
Can't wait for next year's adventures ~
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
What would the neighbors think?
Last night was hands down one of the most stressful I've had in a long while.I looked at some things online, I grabbed a book to read for a while and all of a sudden I was very aware of the loud yelling coming from next door.
Just for reference, on our street all the homes are approximately 5' apart and there is very little space between open windows so it's almost like sharing a room sometimes on especially warm nights...Most of the time no big deal, but last night there was a storm brewing. It got ugly. I waited for it to blow over, but the yelling turned to crying which then turned to outright bloodcurdling screams where no words were decipherable - it was scary for me and I was safe in my bed...
I realized that if it were me doing the screaming I would want some help so I called 9-1-1...I've only done this a couple of times (once before for this same family) and it is never a good feeling to know that a situation has escalated so much there is no option but to call for help. Truthfully, there have been times when I probably should have had police called to our house - recently even...I could hear the irrational fighting, I could picture the angry faces in my mind and I could hear their baby crying at 1:15 AM and I realized that if it weren't for the grace of God and Gary's forgiving heart it might be ME being driven somewhere safe by HPD...it might be ME doing irrepairable damage to my relationship...it might be ME terrifying my kids...
Alcohol is a bad, bad thing folks...it's sneaky and tricks you into thinking you're more fun or sexy or popular or witty...it makes your mind fuzzy and takes the edges off your loneliness. It's socially acceptable and expected even - turn down a drink? Never! Oh wait, that's not entirely true - I often refuse drinking in social settings if I've driven somewhere...I'm no fool, I won't drink and drive so I carefully do almost all of my drinking at home - safely tucked on my couch, glass in hand, scrutinizing and analyzing every phrase that comes out of Gary's mouth...Was that a sarcastic answer to my question? Was he ignoring me because I'm liquored? Why can't he do everything the right way? My way?? I get uglier each time I lift my glass - less reasonable, more emotional and loud(er)...I fool myself into thinking I can stop at "just one", one doesn't do it any more. To get successfully fuzzy I need at least 3 and sometimes more glasses of wine and by then my self-control valve has shut off and if there's a really good show on TV I can drink all the way through it...If I drank water as easily I'd reach the recommended daily allowance without a hitch every day!
Listening to my neighbors fight and hearing the police deal with them was very eye-opening...I don't ever want to sound that ugly way again. I don't ever want to be on the receiving end of a 9-1-1 call like that. God didn't intend for people to treat each other that way and our time here is too short to cause so much grief over something so lame. I am arranging for some counseling to heal my relationship and my addictions, I'm praying for my own recovery and I'm praying for my neighbors Mike and Veronica...praying for their relationship to be strengthened, for their hearts to be softened and I'm praising God for using an ugly evening to convict my heart of what I need to be doing in my own walk with Him and the husband He's blessed me with.
Just for reference, on our street all the homes are approximately 5' apart and there is very little space between open windows so it's almost like sharing a room sometimes on especially warm nights...Most of the time no big deal, but last night there was a storm brewing. It got ugly. I waited for it to blow over, but the yelling turned to crying which then turned to outright bloodcurdling screams where no words were decipherable - it was scary for me and I was safe in my bed...
I realized that if it were me doing the screaming I would want some help so I called 9-1-1...I've only done this a couple of times (once before for this same family) and it is never a good feeling to know that a situation has escalated so much there is no option but to call for help. Truthfully, there have been times when I probably should have had police called to our house - recently even...I could hear the irrational fighting, I could picture the angry faces in my mind and I could hear their baby crying at 1:15 AM and I realized that if it weren't for the grace of God and Gary's forgiving heart it might be ME being driven somewhere safe by HPD...it might be ME doing irrepairable damage to my relationship...it might be ME terrifying my kids...
Alcohol is a bad, bad thing folks...it's sneaky and tricks you into thinking you're more fun or sexy or popular or witty...it makes your mind fuzzy and takes the edges off your loneliness. It's socially acceptable and expected even - turn down a drink? Never! Oh wait, that's not entirely true - I often refuse drinking in social settings if I've driven somewhere...I'm no fool, I won't drink and drive so I carefully do almost all of my drinking at home - safely tucked on my couch, glass in hand, scrutinizing and analyzing every phrase that comes out of Gary's mouth...Was that a sarcastic answer to my question? Was he ignoring me because I'm liquored? Why can't he do everything the right way? My way?? I get uglier each time I lift my glass - less reasonable, more emotional and loud(er)...I fool myself into thinking I can stop at "just one", one doesn't do it any more. To get successfully fuzzy I need at least 3 and sometimes more glasses of wine and by then my self-control valve has shut off and if there's a really good show on TV I can drink all the way through it...If I drank water as easily I'd reach the recommended daily allowance without a hitch every day!
Listening to my neighbors fight and hearing the police deal with them was very eye-opening...I don't ever want to sound that ugly way again. I don't ever want to be on the receiving end of a 9-1-1 call like that. God didn't intend for people to treat each other that way and our time here is too short to cause so much grief over something so lame. I am arranging for some counseling to heal my relationship and my addictions, I'm praying for my own recovery and I'm praying for my neighbors Mike and Veronica...praying for their relationship to be strengthened, for their hearts to be softened and I'm praising God for using an ugly evening to convict my heart of what I need to be doing in my own walk with Him and the husband He's blessed me with.
Allow me to clear up any confusion!
My maiden name was Mack...like the trucks...My first initial is "S" so in high school my friends often called me "smack". It doesn't have anything to do with any seedy drug or masochistic tendencies. It's probably one of the more pedestrian reasons to be called Smack, but I liked it. It suited me at the time - all fast energy and a quick smile. In the (many) years since 1986 (Woo Hoo, Class of '86 ROCKS!) I've missed having a nickname. There's a certain comfort in having a name only certain people call you...My parents called me Kididdle-hopper or Cinder-Sara when I was little, in high school I was Smack and as a grown up I have been called mom, honey, Sadie...but nothing that evokes the same individualism as Smack. Hence, the masthead title.
Scripture says that God has a new name for each of us...I wonder what mine is?
Scripture says that God has a new name for each of us...I wonder what mine is?
Let's try this again...
Wow! I guess blogging IS the new journaling...I find myself ignoring my blogs just as frequently as I ignore my journals, possibly more-so. Odd, since I'm strangely drawn to lurking at the blogs of others. It's interesting isn't it? The way people will post their inner-most thoughts and then get all upset when people comment about them? The beauty of an old-fashioned paper bound diary was that you could pretend the little lock 'n key worked and you could shove it very far under your mattress or deep down in your panty drawer and pretend that nobody was looking at it. With the world wide web you don't have that luxury. Sure, you're relieved of the fear that anybody is rifling through your underwear drawer, but all of a sudden you have all your thoughts and bad grammar EXPOSED and at the mercy of an audience. I'll just warn you now that I use WAY too many commas and I love a good "..." Sorry ~
I suppose that this as good a time as any to restart my journaling. I'm turning the big 4-0 this year (but not for a l-o-n-g while yet), my oldest daughter is turning 20 in November (how did THAT happen?), we're beginning to homeschool our youngest children (Carson, 7 yrs and Spencer 5 yrs) and I'm feeling good about what the future holds for us...Gary and I just celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary and I am not exactly sure how that happened...eight years is a lot o' years to have gone by so quickly. Sure, I have friends who've been together longer and others who've been together less but it's a record in my relationship book...and that's a good thing...See, I have this facade where everybody thinks I might have my act together or know how to get it together quickly, but I don't! In reality, I'm pretty messed up and it's a wonder Gary continues to stay with me except that he has the patience of a saint and he continues to forgive the way Christ's forgiven us all! Amen!
Oh yeah, I'm also proud to be a CHRISTIAN and that means that I lean toward the more conservative political views and that I'm working towards being what I know I should be, but I fall short all the time...I spend too much money on lame stuff, I drink too much and start fights, I lose my temper (often)...but God's grace is good and His mercies are new EVERY day and that's all you can do, right? Start again and again and again and hope to learn from the mistakes...right?
I'll try to keep up with stuff, but no promises!
I suppose that this as good a time as any to restart my journaling. I'm turning the big 4-0 this year (but not for a l-o-n-g while yet), my oldest daughter is turning 20 in November (how did THAT happen?), we're beginning to homeschool our youngest children (Carson, 7 yrs and Spencer 5 yrs) and I'm feeling good about what the future holds for us...Gary and I just celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary and I am not exactly sure how that happened...eight years is a lot o' years to have gone by so quickly. Sure, I have friends who've been together longer and others who've been together less but it's a record in my relationship book...and that's a good thing...See, I have this facade where everybody thinks I might have my act together or know how to get it together quickly, but I don't! In reality, I'm pretty messed up and it's a wonder Gary continues to stay with me except that he has the patience of a saint and he continues to forgive the way Christ's forgiven us all! Amen!
Oh yeah, I'm also proud to be a CHRISTIAN and that means that I lean toward the more conservative political views and that I'm working towards being what I know I should be, but I fall short all the time...I spend too much money on lame stuff, I drink too much and start fights, I lose my temper (often)...but God's grace is good and His mercies are new EVERY day and that's all you can do, right? Start again and again and again and hope to learn from the mistakes...right?
I'll try to keep up with stuff, but no promises!
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