Last night was hands down one of the most stressful I've had in a long while.I looked at some things online, I grabbed a book to read for a while and all of a sudden I was very aware of the loud yelling coming from next door.
Just for reference, on our street all the homes are approximately 5' apart and there is very little space between open windows so it's almost like sharing a room sometimes on especially warm nights...Most of the time no big deal, but last night there was a storm brewing. It got ugly. I waited for it to blow over, but the yelling turned to crying which then turned to outright bloodcurdling screams where no words were decipherable - it was scary for me and I was safe in my bed...
I realized that if it were me doing the screaming I would want some help so I called 9-1-1...I've only done this a couple of times (once before for this same family) and it is never a good feeling to know that a situation has escalated so much there is no option but to call for help. Truthfully, there have been times when I probably should have had police called to our house - recently even...I could hear the irrational fighting, I could picture the angry faces in my mind and I could hear their baby crying at 1:15 AM and I realized that if it weren't for the grace of God and Gary's forgiving heart it might be ME being driven somewhere safe by HPD...it might be ME doing irrepairable damage to my relationship...it might be ME terrifying my kids...
Alcohol is a bad, bad thing folks...it's sneaky and tricks you into thinking you're more fun or sexy or popular or witty...it makes your mind fuzzy and takes the edges off your loneliness. It's socially acceptable and expected even - turn down a drink? Never! Oh wait, that's not entirely true - I often refuse drinking in social settings if I've driven somewhere...I'm no fool, I won't drink and drive so I carefully do almost all of my drinking at home - safely tucked on my couch, glass in hand, scrutinizing and analyzing every phrase that comes out of Gary's mouth...Was that a sarcastic answer to my question? Was he ignoring me because I'm liquored? Why can't he do everything the right way? My way?? I get uglier each time I lift my glass - less reasonable, more emotional and loud(er)...I fool myself into thinking I can stop at "just one", one doesn't do it any more. To get successfully fuzzy I need at least 3 and sometimes more glasses of wine and by then my self-control valve has shut off and if there's a really good show on TV I can drink all the way through it...If I drank water as easily I'd reach the recommended daily allowance without a hitch every day!
Listening to my neighbors fight and hearing the police deal with them was very eye-opening...I don't ever want to sound that ugly way again. I don't ever want to be on the receiving end of a 9-1-1 call like that. God didn't intend for people to treat each other that way and our time here is too short to cause so much grief over something so lame. I am arranging for some counseling to heal my relationship and my addictions, I'm praying for my own recovery and I'm praying for my neighbors Mike and Veronica...praying for their relationship to be strengthened, for their hearts to be softened and I'm praising God for using an ugly evening to convict my heart of what I need to be doing in my own walk with Him and the husband He's blessed me with.
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